Living with No Agreement on Team; . . . What do Leaders Choose to Do?

In an organization where there are innumerable tasks which must be handled effectively at pre-thought speed, most of the time none of us are asking for permission to do what we need to do next – we just do it.

So what is the big deal about being responsible enough to just do what we know is right for ourselves, co-workers and/or friends whatever we can; from babysitting to managing a staff . . . to not ask or need any agreement or permission all the time.

. . . .but then who cares . . .

. . . if we are looking for agreement in order to feel safe . . . well then we should consciously ask for help and support: and GET IT !!

. . . responsibility means we live in the face of no agreement in any moment: that is inherent in personal responsibility . . .

. . . we take responsibility for what we see, what we hear and what we understand it is OUR duty to do: or WE DO NOT !!!

. . . when we are focused AS A team and the game is on; . . . asking for permission or waiting for agreement is why teams loose. . . NO TIME TO ASK FOR PERMISSION WHEN THE GAME IS ON!!

. . . Strong teams EXECUTE; never speak of agreement when the game is on– they just DO!!

. . . as leaders we assume that others are NOT covert or afraid and incapable of speaking direct and they are enlivened by team participation and are feeling safe to interact: without agreement!
. . . problems will arise with covert resistance by no agreement aggressively: it must be dealt with swiftly.

. . . when there is “covert” sabotage conspiracy by others; those folks always show up early in “Practice BEFORE the Game “. . . they think they hide their distain and fear . . . their GRIP of personal fear is obvious to leaders and others aware of that behavior.

. . . those who are acting covert feel separate; they act as if others are the source of the condition which THEY SEE AND MAKE UP ALONE !

. . . THEY do not make the team

. . .when a leader sees someone who is having difficult time being present with the purpose of the team: usually the best action is no action; - if the team member is committed they will show up again later

When we are faced with others who may not listen or actually have another hidden agenda than ours; to the degree that we sometimes do not know that we are facing potential opposition and are operating in the face of no agreement: then a REAL potential breakdown is pending and will happen if unconscious to the leader.

. . . .there will always come the moment when we will face opposition, it must happen especially for cultural creative’s who do not know where they are getting their “beautiful mind” images from – those ones that others say YES and that others like: well they spontaneously pick and choose what they like according to what draws attention to them according to what their Integrity is focused on.

Leaders know ALL of this ; they have chosen their team for their willingness to submit, learn, and participate with Integrity : they realize their team has strengths and weaknesses; it is implicit “AS TEAM” they already have agreement TO DO; ALL must be committed to BE the team: then ALL are already “in agreement” with whatever team goals are; while ALL are Living with No Agreement on Team .

A Presumption of Being

The question: do we assume and presume we are being present as our personal Being???

Assumptions and presumptions are the basis of our daily living – we do not think about the choices we are about to make – because we assume that most of our reality is the way we left it and therefore it will not ever change

. . . well there ya go – and then . . .

. . . well that is the point – right??

. . . then something always seems to interrupt our presumptions and then our assumptions are then mute;

. . . we can get real upset about all of that

. . . and then – well who cares - really !

. . . and that is the way that goes down about assumptions and presumptions

We actually do not look at assumptions and presumptions – we just operate as if they are constant – and that is always our error

Our life is a daily and sometimes a moment to moment reality affair – with no real assumptions and presumptions rattling around in our heads in any moment

These amorphous cryptic phrases “assumptions and presumptions” are actually critical to manage –

REALLY

If we sat down and attempted to write out a list of our assumptions and presumptions – we would stop dead at the beginning – we would see = there is no way we can write a list of assumptions and presumptions

= so then what are we talking about when we use those words

REALLY

. . . assume what ?

. . . presume what ?

. . . those words are out of present time

. . . they are at best shadows of intentions

. . . but to deal with assumptions and presumptions as true concepts . . .??

. . . well that is the point of this piece !!

. . . should we or shouldn’t we care about our assumptions and presumptions . . .?

. . . especially our presumption of Being???

REALLY

Tourette's tourette

Our purposefully sounding cold and direct is as unexpected as sounds in a vacuum cleaner!

. . . we all understand . . . Tourette’s tourette . . . .

No matter how we want to impose our feelings on others while pretending to ignore we do that to others purposefully . . the fact is:

We all do it . . .to a greater degree or less.

Those expressions feel to me, as the receiver, like a form of a transference of deeper coincident, but not consciously acknowledged conflicting thoughts & feelings to the speaker’s own self . . . and then hinting to others those thoughts and feelings are there while being unexpressed purposefully.

The gesture always maintains a form of attempted emotional control in a perceived out of control situation when we step back and observe the whole communication - especially to a dispassionate observer who does not really care or is not implicated and therefore consciously sees beyond the word gestures to the personal gesturer themselves and the conflict of not feeling safe in the moment.

This type of behavior reflects a true need for integrity to be expressed; even if only by being directly indirect.

Not unclear at all . . .really . . . we notify others of our state of Being when we attempt to do this transfer our personal clouds of feelings in order to be relieved of the pressure of the darkness we maintain in our aloneness . . .

We do it when we are tired too . . .

Nothing above my shoulders but the afternoon

I recognize the soft gentle breezes . . . of the endless space . . . that lives my life . . .

I fall deeper . . . to be caught . . . by my own intelligence as I blend into what is left of my body . . .

Now . . . thoughts . . . feelings . . .create the knowledgeable reveries of this passing moment . . . arousing my sense of my eternal divine presence . . . not alone . . . not separate . . . not anywhere at all . . .

Only this wonderful Deep . . . and nothing above my shoulders . . . but the afternoon . . .

Adult Awareness

You might become more aware today of your emotional reactions in your relationships and that these responses might be holdovers from your early childhood. Your investigation into your patterns could make you more aware of the way you interact with others. Perhaps today you may want to use your awareness to understand how your patterns filter though the rest of your life. You might notice a certain shape to your emotions that constantly emerges in your relationships. Without trying to hold on to your feelings, you can try to settle into the role of an outside observer of your life. Consider picturing yourself in a certain situation as if you were still a young child. If your reactions would be the same as they are now, think about what would be a more mature way of dealing with the situation and set a goal toward trying to break out of the cycle.

Understanding the ways in which our childhood events affect our current relationships helps us improve our interactions with others. When we use this awareness of our ongoing tendencies to objectively observe our emotional patterns, we come to a better understanding of the ways in which we sabotage our relationships. As we take a step outside of ourselves, we begin to unravel the mind traps we keep setting for ourselves, which can keep us mired in a cycle of immature reactions to others. Looking at your patterns from the viewpoint of an observer today will give you a fresh perspective on your interactions and the means to improve your relationships.*



*Daily Om / Sagittarius

Evil, Harm, Love & Wisdom

As My True Conscious Presence, Fully Awake And Purposefully Participating As Being, In Our Global Shared Present Divine Condition Of Birthing; I Say:

. . . . there’s a bunch of words and phrases from our archaic human history we just gotta dump for good.

We have inherited many, many, too many words and phrases of metaphorical, conceptual, ideological good intention to tell us who and where we are – even Spiritual Source texts with poetic paraphrases describing our existence and reality in cryptic images of unclear thought and direct personal experience – mostly from our Neanderthal global spiritual societies. . . or the modern Bible belt.

We just need to stop using or even allow to continue being discussed with any seriousness any archaic words of illusion; and evil has to be in the top 10. I know it is in mine.

Recently for me personally – let’s say; in the last 30 years . . . really for me personally . . . I simply do not remember using the word “evil” in any personal context what-so-ever; that was a genuine part of my Real Life. - or "evil" even personally being discussed as an influence about anything that matters in my life. It is just such a very weird word. . . . Evil . . . when I say it out loud . . . Evil. . . is really a fun vocal sound. I keep getting “weevil” mostly - I think of Russell Crow; as the Captain at the dinner table in Master & Commander – where he says …” one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?”

Now . . . Harm is another more used word: but it almost sounds like warm – sort of inviting by sound.

But . . .when some people act out violently it sure feels like what could be described as evil or some form of committed out of control frightening possession of something really very very very bad . . . and hurtful and damaging and harmful.

Have you ever witnessed a violent person - - - : felt one – know one . . .hmmm?

In the moment; “evil” is not the word to describe being a recipient of a violent person – even a – well – uh oh - I see - I have to say even a fatherly and loving person ------93.1% of the time . . .

The feeling that comes to mind is more body numbing than the words of fear or panic.

These words, fear and panic, are emotions - - or sort of – well a feeling.

But let’s stop: and well; what the hell is evil? – it isn’t even an emotion - it just is the sort of misuse of 4 letters for a word.

And for me . . . .

I don’t have any more time to even discuss “evil” or how we play unconsciously with our vagrant use of conscious speech and presence, acting devoid of clear non-delusional conversations that heal.

I’m done with the metaphors and concepts in speaking and all the time and energy they suck up. . . .and . . . by the way I forgave him – my dad – it wasn’t his fault.

But then, to an 8 year old boy, after the unnecessary extensive part to these violent beatings, when that part of him went dormant; he replaced those moments with his assurance of his love for me – yet; I knew there was a place in him that was still there, I would see it . . . and I wasn’t foolish enough to abstract myself from the high watch of surviving his betrayal to be involved in playing with any 4 letter word or to tell anyone . . . what I felt . . . no one knew – not my mom – no one - and yet maybe, because he only did this to me 3 times and all the time afterward he’d assure me he loved me, as he held me close – yet, it was always true, I still could feel and depend on his love and care for me all my life - our life together - I loved him happily until his death – and now I see, by grace, we both were spared the memory of the horror of his discipline breaking my trust - I remembered it all in a workshop, in my 30’s, after he died .

I hold no harm now: for I see his intention was in making me aware of who I could trust and what to look for when I did and what is real is love and what isn’t - that is what I learned.

Through all of my lessons of life as my Spiritual growth I have not "learned" I am Divine Spirit or have I "earned" the right to say that I am the Divine Itself because I my spent time looking for God - the already existing Divine self of my life.

These culminating life experiences have just allowed me to consciously release any abstractions of my attention from my whole, complete and Divinely blessed Presence; to be alive and well as all I simply am aware of . . . I have no more movement left in me to move from my bliss and assign blame or even hold on to any regret as to my person.

I forgive – I forgive – I forgive

My father is well, and his training of me was and is now understood as perfect.

I accept all of my personal history as what is so and receive my own gifts of Divine Presence by turning to people like you reading this opening you have created in me to remove the final thought that my dad was mean by any intention or predator like stalked design.

He was a beautiful loving man – he loved his mother, me, my mother and all of my many relatives deeply and actively. He showed me what it looked like to care for others in crisis. I have his AA chip dated 12/8/1946 LD (last drink). He was my friend and would talk to me about how he saw life. I watched him and my mom go to AA meetings all his life. They started 5 Michigan groups and 2 in Canada. I attended 100's of meetings with them from the time I was 2 till I was a mature teen. I watched my father reach out to people on the street; stop them, talk to them face to face and usually would give them money. There were moments when he brought home alcoholic men; who’d spend hours with my dad confessing their stories, until somehow my dad would look deeply into their eyes and ask a very slow and deliberate question - then the crying began and sometimes tears fell on our kitchen table . . . I sat there; open eyed, felt these men: listened to their "new felt honesty" of talking with my dad; his real use of words; showing and sharing his meanings of fear and love while healing an other.

Oh, the other thing I just remembered in writing this:. . . my dad never touched me before or after those incidents when I was 8, in any aggressive or violent way - ever. My father never made a demand on me to be any way, or do anything, that just was not true of me - ever . . . he showed me what it was like to feel and weep for another openly. . . to be there with his whole Being to allow forgiveness to felt by all.

And only by Divine Grace again: 30 years after his death and I had not had any real memories of him since his death:

I am now flooded with these memories of my life with my dad; with deeper re-awakenings with unexpected healings for me to feel, remember and to finally acknowledge these conscious choices that demonstrated the love and wisdom of my father.

Thank you; for your attention.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

With Emerson at myside, I open again to that which writes.

As It I say; Ralph Waldo Emerson – is our kin.

He is expressing from the state of Divine union shinning his light – knowing he is free and is marveling at what he is understanding about our nature of Being – awakening Divine individuated personal form of God expressed as living Spirit.

So when I read Emerson I hear the free voice of the All Accepting and All Sensitive - observing the turns of human play and their cycles of patterns of living - What RW reveals in his epic prose is Who this Being witnessed in play Really Is.

So, Who is this Being - - this Who? Is this apparent Who separate from anyone of Us - really?

Emerson’s first essay “History” is about declaring the separation of point of view from looking at what we call history in all of its art forms Past – to be revealed as merely trails of images of the “who” and what our life is all about.

RW writes . . .

“It has been said that common souls pay with what they do, nobler souls with that which they are. And why? Because a soul living from a great depth of being, awakens in us by its actions and words, by its very looks and manners, the same power and beauty that a gallery of scripture or of pictures are wont to animate”

Here is the beginning of a way to look at and from, Emerson.

He is taking the Conscious stand for Expression of his “Soul” and “Being".

These Intelligent Essences are Emerson’s Deepest Messages.

He is consistently connected to writing from his own ecstatic states; cultivated by great cultural thought and by years of studied considerations. His educational references are his gift to us of authenticity and Accuracy to his voice –

Emerson is truly of the Spiritually “inspired New Thought authors” in his writing expressions.

Now:

Knowing Who is writing and What He Wants Us to Hear . . . as we read, we know RW is our true voice; The Voice of the Divine Soul (our Divine Soul) writing and feeling through as Divine Person. He expresses and connects to that part of Who we are Here and Now as The Growing and Observing Self. He is speaking to us in Present Space of Being – this Eternal Space of no time, to remind us to keep our attention disciplined via the “Spiritual Laws” with a practice of “Self Reliance” – consciously choosing to trust our very own separate whole selves and our instincts As We Are Awakening.

In “Compensation” he says: “ The beautiful laws and substances of the world persecute the traitor He finds that things are arranged for truth and benefit . . “

In “Over-Soul” – the “Ineffable is the union of man and God in every act of the Soul”

There it is said!

And So It Is . . . for all of us . . .this is our Livingness Message –

This is what propels us to Know For Sure - this is Who We Are in multi-universes of causal movements of manifesting forms and more causes . . .Here And Now . . we somehow consciously float in the Stillness. . . awakening without effort . . .to Know Ourselves – Finally – without doubt!!

We are each This One Being - Here and Now – Each in our own true Divine Birth reality and process.

These Roots - these authors, adepts and sages are Here to Open Our Own Witness to Our Own Presence –

Our Cosmic Causal Event is Most Served when we Understand these Ciphers of Consciousness reveals Our Evolutionary Message to each other: Wake Up Now ! . . . .release the false uninspected Thickness of Mass called “humanity”.

We are Waking Up: As Our True Spiritual Beingness.

This Event Is Truly What Is Happening To All of Us - these days of the “early years of the 21st Century of Man!” . . .this Eternal Moment Of Divine Birth!!

We Each are Being Divinely Born – Right Now!–

We Are this Living Event of Our Birth As Individuated Consciousness – awakening, growing, learning and receiving the certainty of this feeling of Our State of Being . . .and Our Silent Beingness is enough - - - for Now!

Yesterday I Danced with Death and the End

Yesterday I danced with death and the end.

I was freed to see and feel the collapse of it all. All of us – all of Itself – silent, still –no one left – no place left – this was the edge I saw – our transition point and moment.

In this deep virtual mental walk I contained the Universe and the beginning of It in my vision; all of It as It continues to grow Itself – yet now I see that the place I was was here, on this planet, as one of us in time and waiting for the sun to super nova and wipe out the entire evidence we ever existed.

At that moment of deepest sadness and gratefulness I saw a lotus blossom of pure white and I remembered a writing a man gave to me . . . man I met while an inmate of the Clark County jail in Las Vegas. He was the most simple and kind and yet dominate male in our block – a 5’4” guy, a Sri Aurobindo devotee and look alike – oh long story – 10 days together . . .

The last time I saw him he wrote me this note . . left it on my bed when I reentered our cell after going to court – he was asleep with his back turned – his Pall Mall still smoldering and his black coffee still steaming!

He always wrote an image on top of each of his papers. I have later learned it is a perfect 3~(OM sign) - I still have this actual note in his handwriting – I have kept it close to me since August 1976 – it is now in a frame.

This was his note and prayer – in his beautiful script . . .below the symbol . as I read it there in my cell, as conscious gratitude for the touch of God, I instantly committed to repeated it 108 times right there and right then:

3~ OM Mani Padme Hum

OM: - I invoke the Path and experience of Universality, so that

MANI: - the Jeweline luminosity of my Immortal Mind

PADME: - Be unfolded within the depths of the Lotus-Center of Awakened Consciousness

HUM: And I be wafted by the ecstasy of breaking through All Bonds and Horizons . . .

(signed)
OM Mani Padme Hum
Sri Virat

As I continued to utter this mantra in amazement - in that moment I was unexpectedly escorted and released - no bail - case dropped . . I was guilty & I had already confessed.

I reflected back I then notice I was now holding the entire Universe as I contemplated his message:

suddenly: The Universe was replaced by this beautiful lotus blossom; I was now seeing from above - all in the darkness.

Below me – it looked huge and now I can’t tell – but I seemed to be hovering over it from miles above. . like it was a city . . .or I was holding this blossom as it grew and was aging on the lower petals – the brownness at the microscopic level all of the cells were bursting and erupting on the edges, like my thoughts - and the most outside bottom petals, that were the biggest, and most decomposed and brown are preparing to fall away into the abyss of the space surrounding, like our friends or loved ones as they transition out of our lives – I fell deep into the mass of the lotus blossom and felt the never ending protrusion and gentle slow movement of the center of pure white soft being born petals - I walked into that center brightness . . . and bathed in the warmth . . .

In My Hands

In my hands I hold the center of my Universe in All of Creation where all events of this growing Eternal Moment, where all feelings and temporary gifts including sorrows and joys exist - but either nor neither in the ALL will exist for only a moment - in this ever changing NOW of my Being

Soul of the Universe is that receptive medium into which the Spirit breathes forth the forms of Its thought


Another way for us to FEEL and re-cognize this:

This moment, as all moments, the entire Universe is NOW present and changing in every form and every thought you can conceive or witness – there is only YOU. We are IT, the individuated living Itself, exactly the way we are – there is no place “we are not”

Summer of 1961 - Memory to a Friend

In the summer of 1961 – Balas invited me to come up with Hart and stay in Sutton’s Bay for about 10 days – it was in late July early August I think – just before our senior year

Balas and I think Hart had been cooking this up for some time. -

One night after they had made contact, earlier in the day, with some older guy - in his early twenties – a friend of Balas’ brother, but a local guy – kind of a rough acting adolescent young adult – dark hair and aggressive and was able to buy alcohol

I think all of you three talked this guy into getting a case of beer for us.

So this night we decided we'd "take off" and to go and drink the beer away from the beaches, the houses away from the rest of the families.

None of us had drank before - we knew this was it - this is the the first time - the first time we might get drunk . . . and all that.

I told all of you, I didn’t want any beer – I had seen and heard so much by watching my mom and dad as recovered alcoholics, active in AA for the last 14 years - I knew where I was with drinking – I was clear - I had no interest - so we chose me to drive.

There we were - four happy and playful 16 and 17 year old Michigan boys - looking forward to our senior year at Grosse Pointe High - driving all around the Leelanau county - on and off main Hwy 22 in the middle of the night – in Harts light blue ‘54 hard top, two door Ford – ya know, the one with the glass cover over the top over the speedometer on the dashboard – going about 60

We had been out for a bit – you guys were on your 2nd or third beer – I think this guy took a six pack as his fee - the 3 of you had your own 6 pack – I believe you were in the front with me - Balas was in the back with Hart.

We were all laughing: Balas kept trying to get me take one beer - he said . . "take 3, then it will be 5 for the rest of us and you can have them later - then he talked me into at least taking a drink – I took a sip – but yuck, hated beer – so anyway, we were just driving along.

THEN: for a moment time seemed to stop - there felt like a stillness . . . . I kept looking . . . . at you guys . . . individually . . . in the mirror . . . we really were zipping along – BUT all of a sudden - it was if there was such utter silence - so loud in the space - it made me realize, in my sober fun state, I had taken my eyes and ALL My Attention completely off the road - in an instant – even before I could turn and look – I knew we were in deep trouble - I knew, by feeling the passing trees, the car some how - and now us - were speeding way over the Center-line – as I turned my head, my attention to the road, in the dark, with the laughter, with the teenage wildness - in the silence - I saw the tall 3 foot wide, low branch Oak tree - directly ahead of us – about 50 feet and coming fast – Hwy 22 was making a sharp 75 degree right turn - and we were already 3 feet over the centerline - about 10 feet from the edge of the road. . .

That moment I have relived about 100 times in my life – that moment, when time froze and calmness and surrender took over my life for one of the first times I can recall

I relaxed completely - I just seemed to let go and said to myself in a calm manner – now just do not hit the tree . . .steer to the left of the tree . . .hold on tight. . .don’t yell . . .don’t move . . .just slightly adjust the steering wheel . . .angle to the left of the tree and do it slowly NOW . . .pay attention . . .take the foot off the accelerator . . .prepare to brake . . .hold on tight

The next moment was so simply experienced - instantly relieving me of any sense of fear or guilt or concern - every muscle tenseness left me – for in front of me was a hidden, dark, flat and well paved country road – all I could do was watch and allow – there was not one sense of wanting to talk or move or do anything as we continued down that road into the night, into the dark and into our laughter.

In that instant I felt present and satisfied; I was alive, young and with my friends.

What is My Life’s Purpose?

My life's purpose is to be fully present as the clear and awake living one of this personal form of God – to be fully aware our destiny and to live the journey of the awakening one – to stop the denial – to talk about – to tell others – to say how we feel – at all costs to tell ourselves this truth – to know without any reflection; that what is so for us, in regard to our understanding of God’s will for us . . . is truly what is so for us

We do not need to defend who we are – yet we do need to tell ourselves and those affected what is true for us – what we see and feel

Yes – to be the living awakening one in ourselves – to allow the journey of God to enter and live fully as our very will – to surrender to this allowance and feel it’s core movement - to speak us

Peace and Wonder

This is what meditation helps to secure in our day to day, moment to moment conscious feelings - it gives us space - we then recognize the behavior of our reactive conditioning – when we see our mechanics, that recognition in and of itself changes our destiny forever – this simple intervention (meditation), in these mechanics, breaks our unconscious spell and we begin to relax and see what has always been here – the grace – the opening – and we begin to recognize ourselves . . . as life itself - we are each unique and yet all the same – we then feel and see the wonder of it all – and find peace in all events which spontaneously arise to us

The Place

The place of peace and tranquility comes after all of the grief, fear, hopelessness, sorrow, remorse is seen over and over and over again – in its static form - all of the shame of being human is understood - as only on going ignorance of God’s work with us.

Memories are Urges

Memories are urges – they are all we have when we want to be closer or remember someone, place, event or thing – something in the deep quality of the memory elicits a feeling so familiar and yet ever so interesting even exciting – we can’t help it we are drawn right in - we love the scenes – no matter how maudlin or wonderful – this urge is like when we were in our crib and saw the mobile for the first time – we are fascinated – we can’t take our eyes off it – we watch as it dances and moves - the delight rushes through every pour of our little body - we sense this great feeling of something wonderful - we want it more than we can understand – it is some primordial movement in us to receive the information that is poring out - we not only see it but we feel it and all of it’s qualities in so many multiplicities, forms and ways that it all overwhelms us and makes our bodies jump and writhe with the joy.

In Stillness

In truth there is no one here to talk about – only the intelligent living Divine Presence transfiguring to be Awake fully - consciously discovering how it is re-awakening and then going back to sleep.

The old personal model and activity of self referencing stories is dieing away because of deep inspection and the lack of use.

I know now without a doubt I am connected to the impulse to Awaken beyond my control

Awakening is happening to me – it is real.

I am drawn to be outwardly and inwardly still - to reduce my mental and egoic story telling activity outwardly - to take real breaks from my self imposed madness of stress and thinking - which just drives the grip, power and illusion of my misidentification with my fretful inauthentic self.

I have heard all my own stories and have felt all those old reactive thoughts/feelings enough now – I am almost finished with them - and I don’t really want to listen to anyone else’s either – not now

I am drawn to spaces and moments where I can consciously allow talking and all that to rest - I am finding places to serve or take long rides throughout the countryside or go to the Ocean to initiate a conscious meditative sojourn – to elicit the Stillness - so I can practice this deepened space of conscious attention - to watch and be present as the transition occurs as I float free and clear – by God’s Grace I am drawn into the Stillness.

In this Stillness the Spiritual instruction is revealed and I am beginning to recognize how to merge with the already existing Divine space of Being.

I sometimes Awaken fully - when I do, I remember who I am and naturally move to dissolve into the deep truth of my very living and Eternal Self and reside Awake and present.

It is this Awakening time for me and others, I wish to acknowledge with my writing.

The Urge

As I sit here – with all that is going on – all of the rushing to get all of these next items on our to do list and to keep an eye on the clock and the future so we can get these simple and complex needs met or even accomplished.

Every so often we have a sense of break – then the unfamiliar but gentle urge so familiar to us becomes conscious of Itself and the total surrounding space including our internal mind too.

A bodily sense – of letting go and releasing our guard - we can’t help it now - it moves intelligently into place – calming our thinking and reassuring the body that this moment is about to become fuller in awareness – that we are about to watch and feel again the sense of differences and space becoming non conscripted or separate.

Then the arrival of the notion of conscious happiness or Bliss presence – fully realizing the moment is a literal transition from semi-consciousness to fuller consciousness - we realize this moment is to be given full attention – to allow the intelligence to guide the impulses of choice; to reside in full aware presence as no one and no where – now only the deep full assurance of perfect living presence is here.

Upon Awakening

I know you will understand this – and I wanted to share it with you

Thank you – I feel you there and it means so much.

You honor me with your time and attention – I am grateful you are listening – that, in and of itself, is very nurturing and incredibly supportive as we are connecting.

My intention is to be real: to be open, vulnerable, honest, clear, thorough but not dramatic, blaming or making excuses regarding any of my adolescent past choices and behaviors.

I would only ask for your genuine personal interest and greater cultural understanding of what is happening - - - not only to me but to so many others today - - - and I sense to you too - - - because you are reading this.

This entry in this blog is a way to initiate and to help me speak about and express the conscious process of Spiritual Awakening – which is a graceful option to choose - it will help me keep or to remerge my feeling of my whole bodily attention into awakened presence - because I forget who I am and go back asleep often.

I am a reluctant bhakti bodhisattva.

The primordial movement in my Being is to realize my whole authentic self - to consciously develop and complete my personal union with the all pervading presence of the living Divine life current - while discovering how I may contribute to other’s movement into their God union.

I am not trying to justify or rationalize my life to you – I just want you to travel with me and possibly come to know what I see and feel.

I know with all of my Heart and Soul that I am experiencing and am part of this global and deep Spiritual transfiguration happening more rapidly in these early 21st century days amongst our more spiritually conscious human culture – it is literally the emergence of a new human species - discovered through our attraction to direct personal experiences, practices and confessions of the presence of God.

I sense this has been at the root of my life's impulses and choices since the 60’s.

I am not alone – especially here in Northern California - many of us are aware we live in a very unique time in our social cultural environment and our Spiritual evolution - I am drawn to associate with others like myself – who intuit and understand these matters of this movement and our deep attraction to merge into full conscious Spiritual restedness with wisdom – we are being impulsed to learn, experience, serve, grow and to consciously work on and allow these transfigurations to occur in our personal primal nature.

I believe this alive organic movement is deep in the genetic code of our human form.

It is God’s intention and purpose to manifest our awakening.

Thank you for allowing me to work on and express all this – very clarifying.

God Of My Understanding

.. ..
Simply put - God is not the pain/body of man . . . which is made-up of the in and out of control - thoughts, actions and emotions in man - and Is, everything else.

What God is - is not completely understandable or knowable by us . . . and is not intended to be.

God is whole and manifested as all we as humans can see and know - and God is all we can’t and will never comprehend.

God’s play with and through us offers - and is universally available to us - to feel and abide in as union.

God is not separate from us - we do that with our pain/body thinking reacting mind - as a function of our immature free will.

God is not an entity - not a man or woman or have dimensional boundaries as we know the physical universe.

God has always existed and always will exist

Our limited search - of the 3 dimensional or whatever dimensional projected ideas by our minds - will never reveal God’s nature.

God’s intention is to allow us, as separate beings, to choose through our free will to live and grow into full feeling relationship understanding while we are alive - and to promote that full realization to each other.

God does not have thoughts or emotions like we assign based on our limited expierence and understanding as humans.

God has behavioral laws which are and always have been: which if aligned to allows greater knowing and experiencing of a functional living relationship with us.

Union with God is our reason for being.

God has and will and is always revealing the laws and directions for us to see, witness and expierence this Union

There is no such thing as time or space - there is only the Eternal present.

God did not design the universe - God is the universe.

Only our minds comprehend mistakenly the idea of separateness - birth and death.

God allows many different agents, teachers, and realizers to create the forms of worship - all limited, some more aligned and few - maybe only one messiah - Jesus of Nazareth - the Christ.

The best we can know, feel and comprehend is utter and complete Union with God.

This Union - alive as our truest confession of Being - is who we are designed to Be.

God’s intention is that we help others to know this - by practicing discipline of our free will, which we can learn through the stories and laws outlined in the Bible and possibly other texts and Spiritual practices. **

----------------

** unedited from original spontaneous hand written piece as requested by my AA sponsor - 2003

God's Grace For Me

..
Where do I start?

Can I actually tell you that there is grace - or what it is - and is it verifiable - and can we all agree that what ever I say, is the fact like gravity - and that therefore it is true for all of us?

Well actually, I really don’t care much about the debate - Whatever God is - and I do have my personal imagined forms and shapes - God's grace for me is the asked for and unasked for Spiritual guidance and personal contact.

For me grace is that shift in the way my life was before the grace entered and the way it is now.

So what I mean is this - I ask for a sign - I ask “God please give me a sign” - Now I don’t say I need this thing or I need that event - I just say “God give me a sign” - What I am really saying is: God - I am in a place of doubt - and in a place of fear - and I do not see what to do next or where to go next - and I just am not going to take the western ethical model of do this and do that - because it has always been done that way for those reasons - like jobs and health or personal responsibilities

And what is really true of me in that moment is - I am absolutely clear I need to ask for a sign NOW - I need an interruption NOW - I need to get some support here NOW - for I definitely am stuck - I am clear that I ain't getting out based on my own thinking or personal will power - I don’t plan the request - it is comin out and it is comin out NOW

This grace that I point to is subjective - it is mine and "I say" it is grace - and I say it is grace because there is a before and an after - there is a moment or a series of moments - that may be as long as a day or years - like I just could not be really at peace when alone - so that before moment is where I might say mark that - and now I am going to ask for a sign.

This is what I have come to see in my experience - when I feel desperately stuck and need a change - I ask for a sign from God - not an answer or a solution - but just a sign to guide me

You know, all these years - as I have lived in and through the 60's music, the Spiritual seeking and self help decades of the 70’s and the 80’s - those decades we seemed to mark them with those socially acknowledged separations of conscious movement for growth in our US western society - yet there has always been for me a constant of the returning of the need for God and the sense awakening to realize my abandonment of God as a relationship - Like a friend and others have said - there are no atheists in the fox holes

Yeah - that just seems to be the way that it is for me too - I have to be put up against it - have all of the comforts or the places I hide out from authentically and honestly participating in life be taken away - when life gets really tough - and if I am afraid enough - I then look to God - for I am out of options - I have exhausted all of the other places of false refuge and now in that moment I say - “Help Me - I need your help - please give me a sign.”

I don’t even feel cheap about it - I am too desperate for the help to be that proud - I am too lost -

Now it is getting easier every time I ask for a sign - I am feeling more confident in making my connection to my most intelligent instincts and be stronger in my experience - i see my need for direction and openness to receive the answer in multi-dimensional expressions -

Now what always happens for me is within a day or sometimes just hours I receive the signs - they come to me many ways - as a break in the dullness of my life - or visitations of hawks, cows or peoples comments or books or road signs in unexpected ways - but the signs' presence is always timely, clear, impactful, encouraging and undeniable.

Loneliness

..
I guess we all have felt loneliness.

But is loneliness real or do we make it up?

That question seems almost sacrilegious.

The first instinct is to say - “Of course loneliness is real - of course we do not choose it - who in their right mind would choose loneliness - loneliness is real and there is nothing that we can do - it is something that is human - even animals feel it - so we can’t change it through any choice - it just happens to us in certain conditions - and that is that - come on now - let’s talk about something that is really important or better yet funny -yeah - let’s talk about something funny.”

But there is the question - is loneliness something I am doing or is loneliness something that is happening to me?

It would seem to be an important issue to at least look at - to see if it is a choice or something that is not a choice - something that just happens to us outside our control.

Do we have an obligation to ever look at the differences and to say it so we are clear?

Maybe just once in our lives we should look - so we can say with certainty that we know what the truth is.

Is it even important to us to know if it is something we are doing like an unconscious action?

But do we really care to understand loneliness? Really? - Or do we kind of like it where it is and not want to look at it - at least that it is some form of feeling - it is better to have that feeling than no feelings at all - or even no one at all.

But what does it matter?

Does anyone around you really care to talk about it - do they care enough to be there or even want to be there if you were lonely?

Would they have to be a good friend or family - maybe only real friends and real family would care to dissuade a person’s loneliness - or maybe friends or family who are just too unconscious and wrapped up in themselves to want to take the time are really just fair weather relationships.

Who really wants to visit an old person and bring love and attention to them for more than a few minutes - it feels to boring and dull.

When we can’t get enough water and we feel thirsty - are we doing thirsty or is it happening to us.

That seems simpler to say - that obviously it is something that is happening to us - because our bodies are dehydrated and the feeling of thirst is physically real - so it was really a genuine need - no choice - case closed.

Of course - if we do not get enough water we die of thirst.

Maybe our feelings of loneliness is like the feeling of thirst - if the body is not receiving companionship, love and affection then loneliness is happening to us - it is a genuine need and therefore no choice.

But can we make the same analogy about loneliness that if we do not get enough love we begin to die?

Hey does anyone really care if a friend feels loneliness and therefore is dieing from it - do we think it is that drastic - or maybe we hope they do die and we don’t have to have a relationship with them anymore - that would be a solution - huh?

That is too harsh - or is it?

Or is there an obligation to give them love like it would be to give them water?

But what if loneliness is an imagined illusion that comes out of uninspected feelings of fear or maybe just immature feelings - then really only immature people get lonely - and so it is their problem - because they should be mature - then it is not like thirst - it is a choice people are not making to get stronger - understand that loneliness is really a conspiracy of the immature people who actually just don’t want to deal with those feelings - because it is so universally accepted that loneliness is real -

Well if that is the case then most of the adult world is immature because they refuse to make the choice.

Is that true?

What do you think?

Or do you really care?

I mean - Really do you care?

Do you really care to know if loneliness is a choice?

Shit it is easier to just watch TV, go to a movie or read a good book and then you won’t feel alone.

But that seems like a choice - hmmmmmm.

Ann,Trinity and Rachel

..
Ann, Trinity and Rachel met every summer and played in the sand and the caves down by the sea shore.

At 12 years old now, they loved the mornings to get lost and be away from the family and explore life as they found it - so fresh and new and always enchanting.

They knew that these moments were very alive - but they never spoke about them as things. They didn’t know how to say life in that abstract adult way.

All they wanted to do was be with each other - to look into each others eyes - sometimes for long and uncomplicated spaces of time - to touch and lean on each others body anywhere so loving, but not consciously knowing the simplicity they enjoyed - for it gave them deep and powerful feelings of great expectations and wonder - which was enough in themselves.

At sunrise they awakened in their separate rooms - in their separate homes - hearing the sea gulls and the surf and feeling the sun calling them to today’s rendezvous of adventures.

Each would jump out of bed - washing the sleep from their minds - already enraptured with the certainty that again they would find another day of laughing and closeness unparalleled in their lives with the joy and happiness of just being a child.

Their innocence was their guide - a place in their hearts they trusted more than they even cared to understand - life was alive in them as nothing they would ever know or capture again - on those days of days that lasted all summer in the sand and the caves down by the sea shore.

Words were only so gently given to each other - for their temperance was in being inoffensive for fear of breaking the bond of the private and hallowed ground of their sacred love.

They had these days for 6 years now - every summer - and when summer was over never thought of them as days or time - for they lived outside of time in those days - there was nothing to record - nothing to recall - because they were completely and fully present - completely alive with nothing left for their minds to reference - and they only remembered each other and those days when the first morning would arrive.

At 13, when the summers of the caves stopped to be replaced by the call of boys and the games of chance arose - the memories of those days became tucked away and sealed in a private palace of their forgotten youth.

But when all their children had grown up and left - they returned separately to the sand and the caves down by the sea shore - and their hearts allowed them to reopen their love as a gift from God - and they were innocent once again.

Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s

.....
Well this is again one of those surprises.

For when I pulled up at the stop sign on my way to Barnes and Nobel - a half hour ago - after having just come from the Oklahoma City Library - where I had just checked out 3 Andy Hardy Movies and Billy Collins' poem book - Sailing Alone Around the Room - I heard “Preternatural”

And I wondered - "whaaat?'' and then I said it out loud - “Preternatural”

I laughed to myself and thought what a wonderful word Preternatural - Huh that is a cool word - what the hell does it mean?

And then I said it again - but more came out of my mouth - this time I said ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s”

Oh man - THAT - is funny - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s” - wow that is so unbelievable - what the hell?

As I sat there at the stop sign, grinning at the mere interruption in my presumed destiny of reading Collins and relaxing with a Frappuccino - wondering out loud - I said - “where does this stuff come from?”

I immediately knew it could be an essay - but I had no idea what it meant - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s”

I was laughing and shakiing my head at the sheer absurdness of the phrase as I walked into Barnes and Noble.

I immediately went to the Starbucks coffee counter and ordered a Frappuccino Light - with extra espresso - I then rushed over to the Dictionary sections to look up “Preternatural”

Yup - there it was . . . “Out of or being beyond the normal course of nature; differing from the natural - Surpassing the normal or usual; extraordinary - Transcending the natural or material order; supernatural”

As I looked a huge smile came across my face and I knew not why - it just seemed that all this God stuff I had been into recently - talking to Him and all that - the old boy is getting a bit out of control - - - Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s?? - hah - what a jokester.

But I knew right then there was an essay commin - and it was commin soon - my mind was in gear on this - I knew He was behind this - and as I smirked and walked to get my treat a driving anxiousness crept into the space - I knew I was going to be on a mission and that I had to find out what He is telling me - what Delectability’s do and how can they be Indestructible?

At that moment I was a gonner and I knew it - I became very exited and realized I had to get home NOW and let Him talk to me and let this bombastic revelation of verbal cacophonies and all that stuff - and again I thought . . . “I have no idea what is up or what is down - where this is taking me - but a World of that stuff - and indestructible? Sheeeeit.

What? I mean whaaaat?

********
That was then - this is now: here we go -here at home - ready to write - now the dialogue begins - “so ok G, wassup weee chu - yo my homeboy?”

G - “Hey there Miguel - moi mucho amie and good buddy - How do you like that shit? Wild huh? - I love it when I get to you like that - just cracks me up”

M - “Hey now - this is getting a bit nuts here - are you really talking to me - or am I just talking to myself?”

G - “Well we would have to ask someone else now wouldn't we - and it doesn’t actually matter.

Get it???”

M -“Yeah sure sure - but what the hell are Indestructible Delectability’s?”

G - “Well, that isn’t what I said to you - and I know you heard me right the first time - even in your mind you saw it differently - didn’t you?”

M - “Yeah - but that doesn’t make any sense.”

G - “I said Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - Not Delectability’s - they are not adjectives they are nouns - they are indestructible nouns and do you know what they are?”

M - “Well ok - let me see - what is indestructible? - Ok the Universe - and you - Those are things and they seem to be indestructible - don’t you agree?”

G - “Yeah - but a world of them - and let’s not get too bizarre here - don't get too supernatural now - let’s just stick to the preternatural - um k?”

M - “Yeah - ok - alright - well - can I ask some questions here?”

G - “Sure. Shoot”

M - “Is this world here - like our Earth? And these Indestructible Delectabilities - and lets call them ID’s for short - are these ID’s here on this Earth? or does this other Earth have them? - or is there another Earth made up of them?”

G - “Too - many - questions that don’t make any sense. Try again.”

M - “What do you mean don’t make sense? - come on now - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities???' - and that is where we start from?? - I mean hey!! - I’m into this writing shit and all that - but ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities??’ as the launch pad? - come on there G.

Ok - Ok - I’ll stop complaining and play - ok - so I’m just gonna just make this up - I’m gonna just design a Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - now what would that look like?

Well indestructible - that would mean that can’t be destroyed - and maybe never been destroyed - and that might mean they have always been.

Ok - - I choose that as the first criterion - that anything that is indestructible has always been and can never be destroyed and it ain’t you - How’s that?”

G - “I like it. Go.”

M - “Ok - now for the delectable angle - what is it about delectable that there can be more than one of them so that they become delectabilities? Like maybe delectablenesses or delectablelicious - one just down right yummy - it seems to me that it has to be almost edible - but then if I ate it then it would be destroyed - right?

G - “NO - wrong - still has to be - and IS by the way.”

M- “Oh maaann - I feel my pscho-physics and quantum theory solid brain is starting to heat up - am I close?”

G- “Yep - close.”

M - “Ok - are we talking DNA here?”

G - “You know better than that - you know that DNA can be destroyed - so no - not DNA. Keep goin.”

M - “Are we talking about subatomic particles and boring shit like that?”

G - “No - getting way colder.”

M - “Oh man - this is actually starting to get boring - can you help me?”

G - “Wow - are you hot now. - get any closer and you’ll get amalgamated”

M - “What - what did you say?”

G - “I said - you are real close.”

M - “ WOW - cool - yeah - I got it.

It’s just me and you -the we - you and me together - we are the Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - you and I - it is our relationship - it has always been here - it will always be here - and it is a World that you and I and all I’s like me have - that we all share when we relate directly to you.

The Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities is the space of our relationship - that is made up of you and me - huh God?”

G - “Yeah man - you got it.”

“Nice work, there Hub”

M - “Thanks, G.”