God's Grace For Me

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Where do I start?

Can I actually tell you that there is grace - or what it is - and is it verifiable - and can we all agree that what ever I say, is the fact like gravity - and that therefore it is true for all of us?

Well actually, I really don’t care much about the debate - Whatever God is - and I do have my personal imagined forms and shapes - God's grace for me is the asked for and unasked for Spiritual guidance and personal contact.

For me grace is that shift in the way my life was before the grace entered and the way it is now.

So what I mean is this - I ask for a sign - I ask “God please give me a sign” - Now I don’t say I need this thing or I need that event - I just say “God give me a sign” - What I am really saying is: God - I am in a place of doubt - and in a place of fear - and I do not see what to do next or where to go next - and I just am not going to take the western ethical model of do this and do that - because it has always been done that way for those reasons - like jobs and health or personal responsibilities

And what is really true of me in that moment is - I am absolutely clear I need to ask for a sign NOW - I need an interruption NOW - I need to get some support here NOW - for I definitely am stuck - I am clear that I ain't getting out based on my own thinking or personal will power - I don’t plan the request - it is comin out and it is comin out NOW

This grace that I point to is subjective - it is mine and "I say" it is grace - and I say it is grace because there is a before and an after - there is a moment or a series of moments - that may be as long as a day or years - like I just could not be really at peace when alone - so that before moment is where I might say mark that - and now I am going to ask for a sign.

This is what I have come to see in my experience - when I feel desperately stuck and need a change - I ask for a sign from God - not an answer or a solution - but just a sign to guide me

You know, all these years - as I have lived in and through the 60's music, the Spiritual seeking and self help decades of the 70’s and the 80’s - those decades we seemed to mark them with those socially acknowledged separations of conscious movement for growth in our US western society - yet there has always been for me a constant of the returning of the need for God and the sense awakening to realize my abandonment of God as a relationship - Like a friend and others have said - there are no atheists in the fox holes

Yeah - that just seems to be the way that it is for me too - I have to be put up against it - have all of the comforts or the places I hide out from authentically and honestly participating in life be taken away - when life gets really tough - and if I am afraid enough - I then look to God - for I am out of options - I have exhausted all of the other places of false refuge and now in that moment I say - “Help Me - I need your help - please give me a sign.”

I don’t even feel cheap about it - I am too desperate for the help to be that proud - I am too lost -

Now it is getting easier every time I ask for a sign - I am feeling more confident in making my connection to my most intelligent instincts and be stronger in my experience - i see my need for direction and openness to receive the answer in multi-dimensional expressions -

Now what always happens for me is within a day or sometimes just hours I receive the signs - they come to me many ways - as a break in the dullness of my life - or visitations of hawks, cows or peoples comments or books or road signs in unexpected ways - but the signs' presence is always timely, clear, impactful, encouraging and undeniable.