God Of My Understanding

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Simply put - God is not the pain/body of man . . . which is made-up of the in and out of control - thoughts, actions and emotions in man - and Is, everything else.

What God is - is not completely understandable or knowable by us . . . and is not intended to be.

God is whole and manifested as all we as humans can see and know - and God is all we can’t and will never comprehend.

God’s play with and through us offers - and is universally available to us - to feel and abide in as union.

God is not separate from us - we do that with our pain/body thinking reacting mind - as a function of our immature free will.

God is not an entity - not a man or woman or have dimensional boundaries as we know the physical universe.

God has always existed and always will exist

Our limited search - of the 3 dimensional or whatever dimensional projected ideas by our minds - will never reveal God’s nature.

God’s intention is to allow us, as separate beings, to choose through our free will to live and grow into full feeling relationship understanding while we are alive - and to promote that full realization to each other.

God does not have thoughts or emotions like we assign based on our limited expierence and understanding as humans.

God has behavioral laws which are and always have been: which if aligned to allows greater knowing and experiencing of a functional living relationship with us.

Union with God is our reason for being.

God has and will and is always revealing the laws and directions for us to see, witness and expierence this Union

There is no such thing as time or space - there is only the Eternal present.

God did not design the universe - God is the universe.

Only our minds comprehend mistakenly the idea of separateness - birth and death.

God allows many different agents, teachers, and realizers to create the forms of worship - all limited, some more aligned and few - maybe only one messiah - Jesus of Nazareth - the Christ.

The best we can know, feel and comprehend is utter and complete Union with God.

This Union - alive as our truest confession of Being - is who we are designed to Be.

God’s intention is that we help others to know this - by practicing discipline of our free will, which we can learn through the stories and laws outlined in the Bible and possibly other texts and Spiritual practices. **

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** unedited from original spontaneous hand written piece as requested by my AA sponsor - 2003

God's Grace For Me

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Where do I start?

Can I actually tell you that there is grace - or what it is - and is it verifiable - and can we all agree that what ever I say, is the fact like gravity - and that therefore it is true for all of us?

Well actually, I really don’t care much about the debate - Whatever God is - and I do have my personal imagined forms and shapes - God's grace for me is the asked for and unasked for Spiritual guidance and personal contact.

For me grace is that shift in the way my life was before the grace entered and the way it is now.

So what I mean is this - I ask for a sign - I ask “God please give me a sign” - Now I don’t say I need this thing or I need that event - I just say “God give me a sign” - What I am really saying is: God - I am in a place of doubt - and in a place of fear - and I do not see what to do next or where to go next - and I just am not going to take the western ethical model of do this and do that - because it has always been done that way for those reasons - like jobs and health or personal responsibilities

And what is really true of me in that moment is - I am absolutely clear I need to ask for a sign NOW - I need an interruption NOW - I need to get some support here NOW - for I definitely am stuck - I am clear that I ain't getting out based on my own thinking or personal will power - I don’t plan the request - it is comin out and it is comin out NOW

This grace that I point to is subjective - it is mine and "I say" it is grace - and I say it is grace because there is a before and an after - there is a moment or a series of moments - that may be as long as a day or years - like I just could not be really at peace when alone - so that before moment is where I might say mark that - and now I am going to ask for a sign.

This is what I have come to see in my experience - when I feel desperately stuck and need a change - I ask for a sign from God - not an answer or a solution - but just a sign to guide me

You know, all these years - as I have lived in and through the 60's music, the Spiritual seeking and self help decades of the 70’s and the 80’s - those decades we seemed to mark them with those socially acknowledged separations of conscious movement for growth in our US western society - yet there has always been for me a constant of the returning of the need for God and the sense awakening to realize my abandonment of God as a relationship - Like a friend and others have said - there are no atheists in the fox holes

Yeah - that just seems to be the way that it is for me too - I have to be put up against it - have all of the comforts or the places I hide out from authentically and honestly participating in life be taken away - when life gets really tough - and if I am afraid enough - I then look to God - for I am out of options - I have exhausted all of the other places of false refuge and now in that moment I say - “Help Me - I need your help - please give me a sign.”

I don’t even feel cheap about it - I am too desperate for the help to be that proud - I am too lost -

Now it is getting easier every time I ask for a sign - I am feeling more confident in making my connection to my most intelligent instincts and be stronger in my experience - i see my need for direction and openness to receive the answer in multi-dimensional expressions -

Now what always happens for me is within a day or sometimes just hours I receive the signs - they come to me many ways - as a break in the dullness of my life - or visitations of hawks, cows or peoples comments or books or road signs in unexpected ways - but the signs' presence is always timely, clear, impactful, encouraging and undeniable.

Loneliness

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I guess we all have felt loneliness.

But is loneliness real or do we make it up?

That question seems almost sacrilegious.

The first instinct is to say - “Of course loneliness is real - of course we do not choose it - who in their right mind would choose loneliness - loneliness is real and there is nothing that we can do - it is something that is human - even animals feel it - so we can’t change it through any choice - it just happens to us in certain conditions - and that is that - come on now - let’s talk about something that is really important or better yet funny -yeah - let’s talk about something funny.”

But there is the question - is loneliness something I am doing or is loneliness something that is happening to me?

It would seem to be an important issue to at least look at - to see if it is a choice or something that is not a choice - something that just happens to us outside our control.

Do we have an obligation to ever look at the differences and to say it so we are clear?

Maybe just once in our lives we should look - so we can say with certainty that we know what the truth is.

Is it even important to us to know if it is something we are doing like an unconscious action?

But do we really care to understand loneliness? Really? - Or do we kind of like it where it is and not want to look at it - at least that it is some form of feeling - it is better to have that feeling than no feelings at all - or even no one at all.

But what does it matter?

Does anyone around you really care to talk about it - do they care enough to be there or even want to be there if you were lonely?

Would they have to be a good friend or family - maybe only real friends and real family would care to dissuade a person’s loneliness - or maybe friends or family who are just too unconscious and wrapped up in themselves to want to take the time are really just fair weather relationships.

Who really wants to visit an old person and bring love and attention to them for more than a few minutes - it feels to boring and dull.

When we can’t get enough water and we feel thirsty - are we doing thirsty or is it happening to us.

That seems simpler to say - that obviously it is something that is happening to us - because our bodies are dehydrated and the feeling of thirst is physically real - so it was really a genuine need - no choice - case closed.

Of course - if we do not get enough water we die of thirst.

Maybe our feelings of loneliness is like the feeling of thirst - if the body is not receiving companionship, love and affection then loneliness is happening to us - it is a genuine need and therefore no choice.

But can we make the same analogy about loneliness that if we do not get enough love we begin to die?

Hey does anyone really care if a friend feels loneliness and therefore is dieing from it - do we think it is that drastic - or maybe we hope they do die and we don’t have to have a relationship with them anymore - that would be a solution - huh?

That is too harsh - or is it?

Or is there an obligation to give them love like it would be to give them water?

But what if loneliness is an imagined illusion that comes out of uninspected feelings of fear or maybe just immature feelings - then really only immature people get lonely - and so it is their problem - because they should be mature - then it is not like thirst - it is a choice people are not making to get stronger - understand that loneliness is really a conspiracy of the immature people who actually just don’t want to deal with those feelings - because it is so universally accepted that loneliness is real -

Well if that is the case then most of the adult world is immature because they refuse to make the choice.

Is that true?

What do you think?

Or do you really care?

I mean - Really do you care?

Do you really care to know if loneliness is a choice?

Shit it is easier to just watch TV, go to a movie or read a good book and then you won’t feel alone.

But that seems like a choice - hmmmmmm.

Ann,Trinity and Rachel

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Ann, Trinity and Rachel met every summer and played in the sand and the caves down by the sea shore.

At 12 years old now, they loved the mornings to get lost and be away from the family and explore life as they found it - so fresh and new and always enchanting.

They knew that these moments were very alive - but they never spoke about them as things. They didn’t know how to say life in that abstract adult way.

All they wanted to do was be with each other - to look into each others eyes - sometimes for long and uncomplicated spaces of time - to touch and lean on each others body anywhere so loving, but not consciously knowing the simplicity they enjoyed - for it gave them deep and powerful feelings of great expectations and wonder - which was enough in themselves.

At sunrise they awakened in their separate rooms - in their separate homes - hearing the sea gulls and the surf and feeling the sun calling them to today’s rendezvous of adventures.

Each would jump out of bed - washing the sleep from their minds - already enraptured with the certainty that again they would find another day of laughing and closeness unparalleled in their lives with the joy and happiness of just being a child.

Their innocence was their guide - a place in their hearts they trusted more than they even cared to understand - life was alive in them as nothing they would ever know or capture again - on those days of days that lasted all summer in the sand and the caves down by the sea shore.

Words were only so gently given to each other - for their temperance was in being inoffensive for fear of breaking the bond of the private and hallowed ground of their sacred love.

They had these days for 6 years now - every summer - and when summer was over never thought of them as days or time - for they lived outside of time in those days - there was nothing to record - nothing to recall - because they were completely and fully present - completely alive with nothing left for their minds to reference - and they only remembered each other and those days when the first morning would arrive.

At 13, when the summers of the caves stopped to be replaced by the call of boys and the games of chance arose - the memories of those days became tucked away and sealed in a private palace of their forgotten youth.

But when all their children had grown up and left - they returned separately to the sand and the caves down by the sea shore - and their hearts allowed them to reopen their love as a gift from God - and they were innocent once again.

Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s

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Well this is again one of those surprises.

For when I pulled up at the stop sign on my way to Barnes and Nobel - a half hour ago - after having just come from the Oklahoma City Library - where I had just checked out 3 Andy Hardy Movies and Billy Collins' poem book - Sailing Alone Around the Room - I heard “Preternatural”

And I wondered - "whaaat?'' and then I said it out loud - “Preternatural”

I laughed to myself and thought what a wonderful word Preternatural - Huh that is a cool word - what the hell does it mean?

And then I said it again - but more came out of my mouth - this time I said ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s”

Oh man - THAT - is funny - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s” - wow that is so unbelievable - what the hell?

As I sat there at the stop sign, grinning at the mere interruption in my presumed destiny of reading Collins and relaxing with a Frappuccino - wondering out loud - I said - “where does this stuff come from?”

I immediately knew it could be an essay - but I had no idea what it meant - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s”

I was laughing and shakiing my head at the sheer absurdness of the phrase as I walked into Barnes and Noble.

I immediately went to the Starbucks coffee counter and ordered a Frappuccino Light - with extra espresso - I then rushed over to the Dictionary sections to look up “Preternatural”

Yup - there it was . . . “Out of or being beyond the normal course of nature; differing from the natural - Surpassing the normal or usual; extraordinary - Transcending the natural or material order; supernatural”

As I looked a huge smile came across my face and I knew not why - it just seemed that all this God stuff I had been into recently - talking to Him and all that - the old boy is getting a bit out of control - - - Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectability’s?? - hah - what a jokester.

But I knew right then there was an essay commin - and it was commin soon - my mind was in gear on this - I knew He was behind this - and as I smirked and walked to get my treat a driving anxiousness crept into the space - I knew I was going to be on a mission and that I had to find out what He is telling me - what Delectability’s do and how can they be Indestructible?

At that moment I was a gonner and I knew it - I became very exited and realized I had to get home NOW and let Him talk to me and let this bombastic revelation of verbal cacophonies and all that stuff - and again I thought . . . “I have no idea what is up or what is down - where this is taking me - but a World of that stuff - and indestructible? Sheeeeit.

What? I mean whaaaat?

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That was then - this is now: here we go -here at home - ready to write - now the dialogue begins - “so ok G, wassup weee chu - yo my homeboy?”

G - “Hey there Miguel - moi mucho amie and good buddy - How do you like that shit? Wild huh? - I love it when I get to you like that - just cracks me up”

M - “Hey now - this is getting a bit nuts here - are you really talking to me - or am I just talking to myself?”

G - “Well we would have to ask someone else now wouldn't we - and it doesn’t actually matter.

Get it???”

M -“Yeah sure sure - but what the hell are Indestructible Delectability’s?”

G - “Well, that isn’t what I said to you - and I know you heard me right the first time - even in your mind you saw it differently - didn’t you?”

M - “Yeah - but that doesn’t make any sense.”

G - “I said Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - Not Delectability’s - they are not adjectives they are nouns - they are indestructible nouns and do you know what they are?”

M - “Well ok - let me see - what is indestructible? - Ok the Universe - and you - Those are things and they seem to be indestructible - don’t you agree?”

G - “Yeah - but a world of them - and let’s not get too bizarre here - don't get too supernatural now - let’s just stick to the preternatural - um k?”

M - “Yeah - ok - alright - well - can I ask some questions here?”

G - “Sure. Shoot”

M - “Is this world here - like our Earth? And these Indestructible Delectabilities - and lets call them ID’s for short - are these ID’s here on this Earth? or does this other Earth have them? - or is there another Earth made up of them?”

G - “Too - many - questions that don’t make any sense. Try again.”

M - “What do you mean don’t make sense? - come on now - ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities???' - and that is where we start from?? - I mean hey!! - I’m into this writing shit and all that - but ‘Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities??’ as the launch pad? - come on there G.

Ok - Ok - I’ll stop complaining and play - ok - so I’m just gonna just make this up - I’m gonna just design a Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - now what would that look like?

Well indestructible - that would mean that can’t be destroyed - and maybe never been destroyed - and that might mean they have always been.

Ok - - I choose that as the first criterion - that anything that is indestructible has always been and can never be destroyed and it ain’t you - How’s that?”

G - “I like it. Go.”

M - “Ok - now for the delectable angle - what is it about delectable that there can be more than one of them so that they become delectabilities? Like maybe delectablenesses or delectablelicious - one just down right yummy - it seems to me that it has to be almost edible - but then if I ate it then it would be destroyed - right?

G - “NO - wrong - still has to be - and IS by the way.”

M- “Oh maaann - I feel my pscho-physics and quantum theory solid brain is starting to heat up - am I close?”

G- “Yep - close.”

M - “Ok - are we talking DNA here?”

G - “You know better than that - you know that DNA can be destroyed - so no - not DNA. Keep goin.”

M - “Are we talking about subatomic particles and boring shit like that?”

G - “No - getting way colder.”

M - “Oh man - this is actually starting to get boring - can you help me?”

G - “Wow - are you hot now. - get any closer and you’ll get amalgamated”

M - “What - what did you say?”

G - “I said - you are real close.”

M - “ WOW - cool - yeah - I got it.

It’s just me and you -the we - you and me together - we are the Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities - you and I - it is our relationship - it has always been here - it will always be here - and it is a World that you and I and all I’s like me have - that we all share when we relate directly to you.

The Preternatural World of Indestructible Delectabilities is the space of our relationship - that is made up of you and me - huh God?”

G - “Yeah man - you got it.”

“Nice work, there Hub”

M - “Thanks, G.”